Lesson, Lease and Show Envy

“I know one little girl who would rather clean a stall than her own room”

I hate to say it, but I am so jealous of people who have the funds to support their ‘habit.’ It is not that I think it is unfair, itis just the fact that I yearn to be in their shoes. If I had the means, I think I could really go places, or at least I would really have the opportunity to try. For the last six months or so I have been catch riding, and mostly not riding at all. I yearn to ride, or do something with horses, having little Ambrosia has helped ease the ache, but she is only a placation, I cannot ride her, I cannot do much to advance her slow progress, and the most I can do right now is the all important grooming and company potions of horse ownership. Do not get me wrong, I adore spending every quiet moment that I have with her…. and having even this little sweet soul to care for is better than no horses at all. I would not trade my time with her for anything, and especially being part of her special story… still, I look at all my photos of horses past, and I wish I could be in the position that I was in two short years ago.

I wish I could event. I think it would just be the fuel in my fire to ride and compete. The beautiful disapline of dressage, the heart pounding cross county and the refined, quick show jumping. All in all, it is what I literally dream about at night. I am contemplating attempting to go for a working student position after I get done with these grueling years as a student, or perhaps I can just work at a training barn, grooming or assistant managing or breaking babies. It would really be a chance toward possible ownership, long term leasing or showing opportunities.

Every time I think I have found a break though with a new barn or opportunity lately, something falls through or falls short of what would be a beneficial situation, and it is completely making me barn shy. Trusting people to not take advantage of me is so difficult and nearly impossible these days. The horse industry, and horse people in general are quite finicky, and I suppose I fit right in, being picky about everything I do with horses… hoping that I can fall into another good situation for myself and possibly another owner.

Despite the fact that I have never owned a horse, I think I have all the skill and experience to trump many horse owners, and above all it is has made me desperately grateful for any and every horse that comes into my life. It is so easy to take things for granted, but I strive to avoid that fatal flaw and appreciate every horse I have the opportunity to work with and someday perhaps I will be rewarded for the love and passion that I hae poured into literally hundreds of horses over my career. Maybe I will be able to lease or purchase a horse as I am living off of student loans… haha, put myself into more debt due to horses, but I think in the long run I would be so much more happy in life, and that happiness leaks into ever part of one’s life. I always feel tantalizingly close to horse purchases or a breakthough, but it just has no happened lately. I miss Dancer more than I ever would have imagined, simply because for all purposes he was mine, I had the freedom that I wish I had now.

Ugh, I hate to complain, but everyone, go kiss your horse, and give him an extra for me 🙂

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